


Every Time I Try to Say it(Words They Only Complicate It)

by EvanMin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Bang Chan & Lee Felix are Related, Confessions, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Lee Felix, Mutual Pining, Yang Jeongin | I.N is Whipped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 06:56:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17219075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvanMin/pseuds/EvanMin
Summary: Jeongin may have a crush on his best friends brother Chan





	Every Time I Try to Say it(Words They Only Complicate It)

**__** __

Jeongin may have been the youngest. But growing up without any older siblings, anyone to look up to was hard. So often, he found himself befriending people who were older than him. Hence the reason why he had been best friends with Felix for the longest time.

 

When they both had their dark hair and their school uniforms were different due to the age gap. It had been that long. But one thing that didn’t change however, was the small crush that Jeongin had for Felix' older brother.

 

Being at the ripe age of fifteen, Felix was only a year older than he, with his older brother two years older. Back then it was just a slight admiration, I mean back then Chan-- also known as Chris when he was home-- was smart and was talented. He was in many clubs for school, constantly hanging out in the schools dance studio during lunch with his other friends. Felix and Chan were equally good role models in Jeongin's life.

 

Then the small admiration for the elder changed into something way different. To wanting to be praised for everything. He would dress nicely whenever he knew he was coming over to see Felix just incase Chan was there. Even doing the bare minimum such as getting him birthday gifts or just buying him food. Anything to make sure that Chan knew how kind he was.

 

It got to the point that he came clean to Felix at age sixteen that he was crushing on his older brother. He was scared sure but Felix was a great friend and just nodded and smiled. Accent thick as he reassured Jeongin,

 

"It's okay, you wont ruin our friendship because of a crush"

 

But it wasn’t until Valentines day that Jeongin every acted upon his feelings. When he had asked Chan if he could stay a little bit after school, that's when he was going to tell him.

 

Now Jeongin although young, was not someone to give up on his dreams or aspirations. Especially on things like this, where he knew what he wanted and what he could provide as a boyfriend.

 

Chan had recently bleached his curly hair to an ashy gray color. Making him even more handsome than ever. So when he walked out of class, his bag slung over only one shoulder as he wore a black hoodie(typical) with ripped washed out jeans. The lazy yet cool teenage look that was in at the time.

 

Jeongin of course, had a baggy sweater on with what were 'skinny jeans' but they were also baggy on his small frame. He had a card in hand, looking up at the elder with nothing but confidence.

 

"What did you need Innie?" Chan approached with nothing but a soft expression. Towering over the smaller and younger Jeongin.

 

"Chan hyung, I have to tell you something" He smiled.

 

Chan nodded, beckoning Jeongin to take a walkaround the school as they talked.

 

It was an empty silent hall Jeongin remembered as the hall of class. Paintings of previous seniors that graduated with their class of 'so-and-so' in bold letters. He knew soon, Chan hyung would be apart of these paintings this year. Which made this confession even more important to do now.

 

"What is it you needed to say Jeonginnie? Felix isn't here with you"

 

"I have to say it privately-" Jeongin flushed knowing that Felix already knew what he was doing "-it's that important"

 

And he knew this was perhaps the only time they were ever alone together. Without Felix in the other room or in the same area as them. Where their time was theirs. Where Jeongin could appreciate even the steps of the elders old and dirty shoes.

 

"You can always come to me for anything-- I've told you that before" Chan reassured. Always such a kind boy, always patient with anything anyone had to say.

 

Jeongin nodded, confidence never faltering as he gave Chan the card he was holding the entire times with his clammy, slightly nervous hands.

 

Jeongin stopped in his steps, "Chris--" He's never used that name before but it felt right just as it did feel foreign against his tongue "-- I like you, and would like to go out on a date with you".

 

He smiled brightly just like he always did.

 

Chan froze, which wasn’t a god sign but Jeongin would wait for his proper response.

 

"You sure?" he questioned, "me?" pointing at his chest softly as if he never thought of the younger boy in front of him liking him.

 

"Yes, of course. I like you Bang Chan, you understand?"

 

"I do, I really do but.- Jeongin not to burst your bubble but I'm 18, you're only 16 how can you be so sure about you feelings when I'm close to graduating and you haven't picked colleges?"

 

Which made sense. Jeongin knew where his concern was coming from of course. They already had this age gap that right now, if Jeongin was only one year older it wouldn’t be frowned upon. Chan was worried about Jeongin getting over this tiny crush, of not knowing what a serious relationship entailed.

 

"I don’t want to degrade you for you age, but is that seriously what you want? You're a child"

 

It hurt Jeongin to hear those words. But he knew they came from a good place, that Chan was only looking after him. But he's never been so sure in his life. He would do anything to prove that he was serious.

 

"Us being together wouldn’t be good for you Innie, you know that"

 

And although he heard these words as a way to let him down easy. Hyung wasn’t saying that he didn’t feel the same. That he didn’t feel even disgusted by the confession Jeongin made. Jeongin did not hear the definitive words or anything close to a proper rejection.

 

"So, you're saying I'm too young?" Jeongin asked.

 

"That's exactly what I'm saying, I'm looking out for you"

 

"What about when I'm older. Would you date me then?" Jeongin stepped closer into the personal bubble of Chan's, pressing on the fact that he wasn’t ashamed nor was he just harboring a crush that was small and insignificant.

 

"Well I mean, sure, if you were older and a hundred percent sure I would give it a chance"

 

"Promise me that"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Promise me that you mean that, that you'll give me a chance"

 

Chan could only sigh and nod, pulling Jeongin into a small little hug, and when he pulled back he kissed Jeongin's temple with an airy sigh. One that Jeongin couldn’t pin point it's meaning.

 

"I promise, Jeongin"

 

Then years passed, Jeongin being freshly 18 while Felix had graduated already. They expanded a bit on their friend group while Felix had a boyfriend of his own he met at his job at GameStop(Isn't that just romantic? Finding your soulmate and now a mutual friend in the Ps3 section in search for kingdom hearts). It was great.

 

Although Chan had left for college nearby it had been two years since Jeongin actually saw him. Senior year was stressful and he had a lot of things he needed to get done. Jobs he needed to apply for, colleges he had to consider going to or not. But Jeongin did mature after those years, his small little frame had grown bigger and less lanky, baby features growing into an adult. The only thing that indicated that he was still a young boy was his braces that he had for years now.

 

But even now, Jeongin still had the biggest crush on Felix' older brother. He followed his social media to see his now brown hair (Which honestly melted his heart and he wanted to run his fingers through it) and his friends he met while he was there.

 

There was one he suspected of Chan dating but when he saw more of his posts, it was revealed that Chan was indeed still single. Never even delved into the love life. Though it might not be because of Jeongin, his narcissistic side wanted to believe that Chan was waiting for him all this time.

 

After school ended(Jeongin's graduation was in August) and summer break of his graduation started he was informed of Chan returning home.

 

Though Chan lived in the dorms he decided to come over to Felix' place. Which was going to be Jeongin's too after his graduation(Felix left the room for him nice and clean for that special day too). Meaning all this time of pining over Chan he could go on that date with him.

 

It wasn’t awkward like he thought it would be either. At least to him at least.

 

When he walked into the apartment with his spare key he could hear the two aussies speaking in the kitchen. Most likely catching up just a bit as they made sure to keep in touch. Nothing was new nor was it like they haven't seen each other. They were all busy and they all understood that.

 

Seeing Chan again for the first time was also life changing almost. The man was now 20, he was all grown into his features and now Jeongin could say the same about himself. Chan was in more mature attire than he used to dress(Which Jeongin already knew from stalking his instagram).

 

I mean from the black jeans and white shirt to the leather jacket he wore, Chan definitely aged like a fine wine. Jeongin still dressed like a teen that he was, with the ripped jeans, to the pastel yellow hoodie. But now his hair was curly, his jawline was more prominent now that the baby fat went away. If anything, Chan seemed more taken aback by his appearance than he thought he would be. He matured sure. But it seemed Chan wasn’t ready to see him.

 

That is until his features softened and he waved.

 

Now being older, Jeongin also grew a bit taller than his hyung. Towering over the man who took his breath away along with his heart.

 

"Chan hyung I missed you!" He smiled wide with his braces showing as he enveloped Chan into a hug. One that showed that he indeed missed him. That livers reuniting hug despite them not dating. Well-- not yet at least.

 

Having them altogether minus the crush Jeongin was harboring for years, was great. They hung out and played around and just talked. Things they couldn’t just say through text, just normal banter too.

 

It was great to talk to Chan again without it being short and awkward because back then he was the child between the two. Now being legally an adult he felt like he belonged. That he was more included in bigger conversations.

 

But soon Felix had to head to bed with the words, "I have practice in the morning and a breakfast date" And Jeongin didn’t miss the wink he was given once he left.

 

Then there were two.

 

Chan was laying down on the long sofa, scrolling through his phone while Jeongin chilled on the recliner, legs thrown over one side.

 

"You really grew up Jeongin" Chan almost sighed out, putting his phone down beside him.

 

And he didn’t know he could feel so shy under the elders gaze. He was getting checked out by Chan, someone who used to look at him as this child who couldn’t do anything. Who helped him with algebra questions and also took him to homecoming. It's not like that much time has passed. But it's enough to have Jeongin ready for adulthood, and he was legal so-- I mean--okay he's going to shut up now,

 

"You did too, how's the college life?"

 

Chan sat up, patting the spot next to him, "We both know you don’t want to talk about my college life"

 

Which was true, he would eventually want to talk about it but now he wanted something else. Something he had to wait for years to grasp a chance at. So he took his seat next to Chan.

 

"You're right, you'll be here for a while we can talk about you after right?"

 

"Yea of course"

 

"Now Chris"

 

He chuckled, looking away in an almost shy way. Jeongin has never seen him like that. "You haven't called me that since--"

 

"Since you made me that promise, do you remember it?" He knew he did. Knew that Chan had to have been thinking it all day by the looks he was given by the questions he was asked. How personal their conversation with Felix had been.

 

He just needed to know what Chan wanted, if he did indeed feel the same. Or was Jeongin's teen brain filled with too much hope back then.

 

"I- I do remember, question is are you still, you know?"

 

"In love with you? I told you I would wait for that date, I still love you even now"

 

And he didn’t need words. Words made things more confusing if you didn’t say the right things, if you missed a detail. Thing's like that almost always made this complicated. So Jeongin did what Chan did those years ago. Leaning in and softly kissing his temple with all the love he could. To respect his boundaries and what he wanted.

 

"Let's go out tomorrow" Chan spoke up before Jeongin left the living room. Before he went in to sleep for the night with the weight of his feelings off and happiness induced.

 

"Okay hyung"

 

Jeongin couldn’t wait


End file.
